True at Heart

True at heart...are we really?

At what age do we really begin to learn to be true friends, honest in character, and kindhearted to one another?

Are we born with these traits already? Are they switches waiting to be flicked on? Do our experiences hinder them or are these traits strengthened because of our experiences? Based on events in our lives is this when we begin to realize these things about ourselves and others?

So many questions yet not many answers. We go through a rollercoaster of good and bad things in our lifetime, do those events change who we've been or want to become? Friendships, love, & death are all unavoidable but can we truly understand why we react to them as we do and when did we learn how to react to these life events?

At 5, 15, 45, or even 65, do we really understand? We do become wiser with age...~sometimes! At what age or what event/events made you stop and look around to see who your true friends are? At what age did you realize love is within you and all around you whether alone or with a significant other? At what age did you realize death is painful yet peaceful? Many of these questions I think we're all still trying to answer and will continue to answer.

In the classroom, teaching the munchkins to be kindhearted, compassionate, and loving to one another is one of the greater tasks of this job. It may not be written in my job description or curriculum but it's one of the most difficult tasks to teach. Parents are a child's first teacher and if their home environment lacks love, kindheartedness, and compassion, they too will lack in these areas. As a teacher, it's our job to fill in some of those missing areas and teach these munchkins to become well rounded loving beings. I think this is why I love to teach these little souls but I wish there was an easy way for them to understand these things in order to avoid the pain that may come with them. I would tightly roll these traits up in a ball and like blowing dandelions in the wind, I'd blow these traits into each little munchkin's heart! Sounds so easy to do...~Make a wish and blow.

My munchkins are going through what I'm calling some ugly times right now. I blamed the weather, I've looked at myself to ask what role do I play in this, and I've even thought it was an issue for some because they're "new" to our class. I'm not sure the reason but it's gotten to the point where it's disheartening. It's a true fact that kids can be mean!! Is it because of their innocence they speak their minds and we as adults have learned to think before we speak? ~Well, SOME adults think before they speak. ;)

With every new batch of munchkins that I pick up in Kinder, I stress so much to take care of one another in our class because they can remain friends with each other for a lifetime. I want them to have fond memories of one another and not the ugly bullying/name calling events. I can still remember back to Kinder at Edgemere and the name of my "best friend"... Adrienne. I then was switched to Catholic school and was so sad. To this day I'm clueless what happened to her. I had to learn to make new friends and I did...Laura, Daniel, Arthur, Joey, Susana, Richard..etc. Then back to public school, I was crushed again to leave and more friends had to be made back at Edgemere again...Patsy, Eunice, Rick, Ruben, Marcella, Crystal, Dwayne, Michelle, etc. Throughout our lifetime we make friends and build on those relationships. Not all friendships survive but those that do are truly valued. People are put into our life for a reason, some good and some bad. I also remember the names of the not so nice kids who were mean...from Kinder up to the adults who are still mean and probably were mean kids. Being always so tall, lanky, braces, glasses, and having a weird name wasn't the best at times. The name calling you learned to take or laugh it off but they did leave a lasting sting to the soul. Self esteem?... What's that? Still to this day I do not take compliments well at all. Are they sincere? Maybe or maybe not?
A part of me will always be metal mouth, 4 eyes, bean pole with a strange name but I've learned to accept this. I've grown to love my name and it's meaning, love my height in a town of shorties, braces do wonders and yes still 4 eyes...haha! It took me almost a lifetime to understand so as a teacher it may take me a lifetime to teach this to these little souls.

Stressing love, compassion, kindness, to a classroom of 1st Grade minds now is so, so, so, difficult. Some may comprehend but others will be clueless until their soul is stung. The munchkins who have been exhibiting ugliness to the others all have different situations going on in their life. Do we as teachers say ~oh pobrecita/pobrecito that explains it. Sorry, NO! I just won't tolerate it. Four students, two new ones and two old ones are my "bullies." It's also so sad that some parents turn around and blame others when the recurring events have been with their child.

To see little ones cry because ~he/she won't be my friend, is heartbreaking. Is this a preparation to later events in life when those lasting bonds you've made begin to end? ~We're all friends in this classroom! Now blue bow go hug red shoes and stop this silliness and apologize for what you said. ~I'm sorry, you're my friend now and always. ~That's ok. As they skip off into the sun together...is it that easy? For now it is.

You would think bullies are only boys...nope! ~Not in my room! Two of mine are girls. One was suspended. ~Yes, you heard me right...suspended! She took it upon herself to beat up on a little boy from another classroom. Boy did she do a number on him! When I asked her ~What the flip flappin did you do that and what the flip flappin were you thinking?...ok, no I didn't ask that but I thought it! ~What happened? ~He was bothering me? ~What was he doing? Silence set in...tick, tock, tick, tock. ~I'm waiting?! ~He kicked me. ~Hmmm...was she telling the truth? I've only had her a month so I wasn't sure about her. The other little boy from the other class I knew from last year and he was always an angel but this is this year. I got both of them together and asked him this time. ~What happened? ~She came up to me and started hitting and scratching me then she kicked me. ~Hmmmm.... When do we learn to be dishonest? Is it lies to protect or to hurt? Either way we've learned to lie. ~Everyone knows Ms. Buddé does not like lying. It's better to tell me the truth than lie. Silence set in again...~cricket, cricket, cricket. The other teacher swooped them both and was sending them to the office and writing a referral. We're all a bit frustrated with the bullying that's going on. Little Miss Bully returned to the class and when I asked if she spoke to anyone she said no, no one was in the office. ~I'm going to ask you one last time...what happened? Did he really bother you? Silence with the eyes wandering around and looking up to the ceiling. Then her head shook no. I thought so..so instead of losing it or raising my voice I thanked her for telling the truth but did tell her...~do you understand what you did is going to get you into a lot of trouble? ~yes ma'am. Later in the day administration came to speak to her...~oooo mama, mama! Time passed in our day and when she returned I was informed she admitted that she just decided to hit, scratch and hit him and she was suspended. This lead into a great teachable moment to explain to the entire class what suspended meant and of course I was agitated with the others behavior and looked around and said ~Who's next?!

A parent after school approached me that her daughter is being bullied by another girl! I wanted to scream! Miss Bully #2 is going around telling other girls not to play with her daughter because she is new and telling her daughter she can't play with them. Jealousy into the mix now too?! That Miss Thang is going to be sitting in lunch detention, alone, watching them all play together. Will she be one of those mean girls in middle school and high school? If I have anything to do with it now, she better not!

We go through life with people coming and going. Each one of them has a reason they've come into our lives, it's just understanding what that reason is. Can we learn that at age 5 or 6, probably not. Can we learn that as adults? Maybe. I've learned to value every soul that's touch mine over the years whether they're near or far, new or old and love them all. I've had to let go too of those that are no longer a part of my world because of the choices they've made. I can only hope my little munchkins learn to have loving, kind, honest hearts, now and always.

Stay tuned hopefully for better adventures in bullyland...I mean munchkinland. ;)
XOXO's