True at Heart

True at heart...are we really?

At what age do we really begin to learn to be true friends, honest in character, and kindhearted to one another?

Are we born with these traits already? Are they switches waiting to be flicked on? Do our experiences hinder them or are these traits strengthened because of our experiences? Based on events in our lives is this when we begin to realize these things about ourselves and others?

So many questions yet not many answers. We go through a rollercoaster of good and bad things in our lifetime, do those events change who we've been or want to become? Friendships, love, & death are all unavoidable but can we truly understand why we react to them as we do and when did we learn how to react to these life events?

At 5, 15, 45, or even 65, do we really understand? We do become wiser with age...~sometimes! At what age or what event/events made you stop and look around to see who your true friends are? At what age did you realize love is within you and all around you whether alone or with a significant other? At what age did you realize death is painful yet peaceful? Many of these questions I think we're all still trying to answer and will continue to answer.

In the classroom, teaching the munchkins to be kindhearted, compassionate, and loving to one another is one of the greater tasks of this job. It may not be written in my job description or curriculum but it's one of the most difficult tasks to teach. Parents are a child's first teacher and if their home environment lacks love, kindheartedness, and compassion, they too will lack in these areas. As a teacher, it's our job to fill in some of those missing areas and teach these munchkins to become well rounded loving beings. I think this is why I love to teach these little souls but I wish there was an easy way for them to understand these things in order to avoid the pain that may come with them. I would tightly roll these traits up in a ball and like blowing dandelions in the wind, I'd blow these traits into each little munchkin's heart! Sounds so easy to do...~Make a wish and blow.

My munchkins are going through what I'm calling some ugly times right now. I blamed the weather, I've looked at myself to ask what role do I play in this, and I've even thought it was an issue for some because they're "new" to our class. I'm not sure the reason but it's gotten to the point where it's disheartening. It's a true fact that kids can be mean!! Is it because of their innocence they speak their minds and we as adults have learned to think before we speak? ~Well, SOME adults think before they speak. ;)

With every new batch of munchkins that I pick up in Kinder, I stress so much to take care of one another in our class because they can remain friends with each other for a lifetime. I want them to have fond memories of one another and not the ugly bullying/name calling events. I can still remember back to Kinder at Edgemere and the name of my "best friend"... Adrienne. I then was switched to Catholic school and was so sad. To this day I'm clueless what happened to her. I had to learn to make new friends and I did...Laura, Daniel, Arthur, Joey, Susana, Richard..etc. Then back to public school, I was crushed again to leave and more friends had to be made back at Edgemere again...Patsy, Eunice, Rick, Ruben, Marcella, Crystal, Dwayne, Michelle, etc. Throughout our lifetime we make friends and build on those relationships. Not all friendships survive but those that do are truly valued. People are put into our life for a reason, some good and some bad. I also remember the names of the not so nice kids who were mean...from Kinder up to the adults who are still mean and probably were mean kids. Being always so tall, lanky, braces, glasses, and having a weird name wasn't the best at times. The name calling you learned to take or laugh it off but they did leave a lasting sting to the soul. Self esteem?... What's that? Still to this day I do not take compliments well at all. Are they sincere? Maybe or maybe not?
A part of me will always be metal mouth, 4 eyes, bean pole with a strange name but I've learned to accept this. I've grown to love my name and it's meaning, love my height in a town of shorties, braces do wonders and yes still 4 eyes...haha! It took me almost a lifetime to understand so as a teacher it may take me a lifetime to teach this to these little souls.

Stressing love, compassion, kindness, to a classroom of 1st Grade minds now is so, so, so, difficult. Some may comprehend but others will be clueless until their soul is stung. The munchkins who have been exhibiting ugliness to the others all have different situations going on in their life. Do we as teachers say ~oh pobrecita/pobrecito that explains it. Sorry, NO! I just won't tolerate it. Four students, two new ones and two old ones are my "bullies." It's also so sad that some parents turn around and blame others when the recurring events have been with their child.

To see little ones cry because ~he/she won't be my friend, is heartbreaking. Is this a preparation to later events in life when those lasting bonds you've made begin to end? ~We're all friends in this classroom! Now blue bow go hug red shoes and stop this silliness and apologize for what you said. ~I'm sorry, you're my friend now and always. ~That's ok. As they skip off into the sun together...is it that easy? For now it is.

You would think bullies are only boys...nope! ~Not in my room! Two of mine are girls. One was suspended. ~Yes, you heard me right...suspended! She took it upon herself to beat up on a little boy from another classroom. Boy did she do a number on him! When I asked her ~What the flip flappin did you do that and what the flip flappin were you thinking?...ok, no I didn't ask that but I thought it! ~What happened? ~He was bothering me? ~What was he doing? Silence set in...tick, tock, tick, tock. ~I'm waiting?! ~He kicked me. ~Hmmm...was she telling the truth? I've only had her a month so I wasn't sure about her. The other little boy from the other class I knew from last year and he was always an angel but this is this year. I got both of them together and asked him this time. ~What happened? ~She came up to me and started hitting and scratching me then she kicked me. ~Hmmmm.... When do we learn to be dishonest? Is it lies to protect or to hurt? Either way we've learned to lie. ~Everyone knows Ms. Buddé does not like lying. It's better to tell me the truth than lie. Silence set in again...~cricket, cricket, cricket. The other teacher swooped them both and was sending them to the office and writing a referral. We're all a bit frustrated with the bullying that's going on. Little Miss Bully returned to the class and when I asked if she spoke to anyone she said no, no one was in the office. ~I'm going to ask you one last time...what happened? Did he really bother you? Silence with the eyes wandering around and looking up to the ceiling. Then her head shook no. I thought so..so instead of losing it or raising my voice I thanked her for telling the truth but did tell her...~do you understand what you did is going to get you into a lot of trouble? ~yes ma'am. Later in the day administration came to speak to her...~oooo mama, mama! Time passed in our day and when she returned I was informed she admitted that she just decided to hit, scratch and hit him and she was suspended. This lead into a great teachable moment to explain to the entire class what suspended meant and of course I was agitated with the others behavior and looked around and said ~Who's next?!

A parent after school approached me that her daughter is being bullied by another girl! I wanted to scream! Miss Bully #2 is going around telling other girls not to play with her daughter because she is new and telling her daughter she can't play with them. Jealousy into the mix now too?! That Miss Thang is going to be sitting in lunch detention, alone, watching them all play together. Will she be one of those mean girls in middle school and high school? If I have anything to do with it now, she better not!

We go through life with people coming and going. Each one of them has a reason they've come into our lives, it's just understanding what that reason is. Can we learn that at age 5 or 6, probably not. Can we learn that as adults? Maybe. I've learned to value every soul that's touch mine over the years whether they're near or far, new or old and love them all. I've had to let go too of those that are no longer a part of my world because of the choices they've made. I can only hope my little munchkins learn to have loving, kind, honest hearts, now and always.

Stay tuned hopefully for better adventures in bullyland...I mean munchkinland. ;)
XOXO's

Friendships=Love

Week of heartache... a Blu heart!

Last weeks post in Munchkinville was a week of frustration. New munchkins were coming in left and right and I thought I was going to lose it. This past week began with a heartache in my personal life and in the classroom. You try to not to bring your problems into the work place but sometimes it's difficult not to.

A wonderful, dear friend passed 9/5/2010, Sunday morning from cancer. My heart broke when I received the news early that morning but I was also in disbelief. A friendship that went back to my elementary school days had just been ended. It ended only in the physical sense but grew more in my heart and soul.

We had the day off on Monday for Labor Day which made for a short week. Not wanting to accept the death of a friend and not letting myself deal with it or grieve made for a somewhat difficult week. My munchkins actually helped keep my mind off of it until I had to face the memorial at the end of the week.

Heartache in the classroom was due to two different episodes. The first was the outcome of the meetings I had with the moms of my struggling new babies. The outcome was good and the best for each of them. Moms agreed and acknowledged the fact that their babies just weren't ready for 1st Grade and they have seen their child struggle since Kinder or earlier. The support they gave administration and myself was wonderful. Those munchkins were placed back into Kinder but my heart ached when I saw one of them the next day crying. By the end of the week they all fell right into place in their new classroom and are doing great and come by to visit and say hi. They can now become those successful little people that are filled with happiness and come with a love for school.

The second heartache in the classroom was because of what one of munchkins did to another smaller munchkin. One of the Kinder teachers came into my class with two of her munchkins with a look of concern on her face. Right away I knew something was wrong. ~Hmmm....which one of my munchkins did it? Her little one's were the cutest little things and one had been crying. She began to tell me that one of my boys was bullying and making fun of her two little ones. The two little munchkins told her the boy had a mohawk. I knew EXACTLY who that was! My head must have spun so fast the kids probably felt a gush of wind pass them. I felt my eyebrows clench up and my eyeballs almost popped out as I glared at him. He stared back at me with a look of ~What? I asked the little munchkins to go show me who was bothering them and the smallest one went right up to him and pointed him out. When I asked what he did he said he was picking on him and making fun of his hand. At that moment I noticed he had his little left hand in his pocket. I asked him why was he making fun of his hand and that's when his teacher made a sound and said ~no, no. I looked her way and she had a look of fear and she mouthed something I could not understand. The little baby came up to me and slightly hid near me as he gently pulled out his hand from his pocket and said...~He was making fun of my nubby. My heart sank when I saw his hand! He didn't have a hand but a nub at the wrist with what looked like tiny, tiny, little bubbles for fingers. He quickly put his hand back in my pocket. It almost brought me to tears. But instead of tears it turned into anger! One thing is for kids to be curious and I'm sure many are but this little boy that was bothering this special munchkin has bullied other kids before so I was furious! The one thing I DO NOT like are children making fun of ANYONE or bullies!! I had to keep my composure or I was going to lose it! ~I'LL DEAL WITH YOU LATER! My focus went back onto this precious baby who looked so embarrassed and sad. His teacher said she wasn't going to say anything but he was crying and so hurt. I was so moved by this little munchkin that it basically knocked me to the floor and I just hugged him! I sat on the floor infront of him and asked him if I could see his hand again. He placed his little sweet hand in mine and I melted. It was the hardest thing to hold back the tears. I've been holding back tears from my friends death and now this! I found the strength somewhere not to cry. ~It's a different story in writing this as the tears stream down because no one is looking. With his head down he sheepishly looked at me with these beautiful big brown eyes. I apologized to him for such hurtful behavior and told him never to be embarrassed and be proud of his hand. I told him I loved his hand and he smiled and called it his nubby again. I asked him it it was ok that we show the other kids so they can help protect him from other bullies. He held up his hand with a little smile! My other kids reacted in the most beautiful way that kissed my heart. I heard so many sweet things from them ~awww how cute! He's cute! I'll take care of him. I like your hand. This precious little soul lit up with the biggest smile. I looked at my mohawk bully and he looked so mad. Not sure if it was because he knew he was looking at 8 to 10 in solitary confinement...heehee...or because the other kids were giving this precious baby positive love. He had the meanest look on his face that was also sad to see. I told the little precious munchkin that if anyone in this entire school ever bothered or messed with him to come tell me and I would take care of it. He told me ~I can hit hard! heehee ~Really? Show me! I put my hand up and with his other little hand threw a little punch! ~Wow, you're tough! If anyone bothers you don't hit them come tell me and we'll go together and then I might let you hit them. ~Yes, I don't condone violence but.... with this little angel or any other special angel I won't put up with such ugly behavior. I asked him if he felt better now and smiled and nodded yes. ~Can I have a hug and a high five? His little arms made me melt. His high five was with his regular hand. ~Now can I have a nubby five? He smiled and took his hand out of his pocket and gave me a nubby five! <3 Just pulled at my heart strings! The next day, I was passing his class in the hall, not really paying attention to them and I kept hearing ~Hi friend! Hi friend! and it was HIM waving at me!!! Love him...think he's my new favorite but he's not even in my class! haha

You must be wondering what happened to the mohawk bully! Well...he was given LIFE! heehee Just kidding. I actually didn't lose it because I was too furious. Told him how disappointed I was and that he was to show a good example to the little Kinders and instead hurt one with his words. I gave him detention, notified the counselor, admin, and wrote parents a note home. Parents don't answer calls during the day especially if they see school is calling so the note was the next best thing. The following day the counselor stated mom called and wanted her son tested for SPED. ~Come on!!! Being a bully won't be fixed with SPED.

As the week came closer to an end I knew I would have to deal with my friends death and his memorial. I wanted to see friends that I had not seen in over 25 years but not for the reason we were reconnecting. I've always taught my munchkins to be kind to each other and take care of each other. I tell them that many of them will remain friends for life. I had the talk again reminding them of this and mentioning my dear friend who passed. When I told them that I knew my friend and his family for most of my life they didn't quit understand that concept of time and just said WOW! Haha

Well, the memorial came and it was heartbreaking but also rewarding to see friends from elementary school and high school who played an important role in my life and will always remain close to me. I look forward to strengthening those relationships and bonds. We all may not be close in miles by but close in our hearts. Friendships are so dear!

A new week...a new adventure! Stay tuned...
XOXO's